Sandcastles don't really last

Wow, what a crazy summer. It seemed to fly by and move agonizingly slow at the same time. So much happened I don't even know where to start.

At the beginning of the summer we were having some.. issues..

Well I guess things really started a bit before summer. I think part of it was due to the extra stress from my job. I work with kids, which I absolutely love and wouldn't want to do anything else. But as the school year wraps up there is an extra layer of stress to get everything done in time. As if that isn't enough extra fun I also had the planning for the summer with the kiddos.

We had some personal things that popped up during that extra stressful time that put some pressure on our DD relationship and really tested it's strength.

It turns out our DD relationship hadn't been built up as strong as we thought it was.

It was like a beautiful sandcastle that was washed away by the waves.

We spent the rest of the summer trying to rebuild our DD sandcastle right there on the beach.

Tm decided we would try different buckets to make different designs

and layouts, 

but the waves still washed our sandcastle away.

I suggested we relocate our sandcastle to a different part of the beach,

 but it still didn't help.

The problem wasn't the buckets that we used to mold our sand castle or where we put it.

As it turns out, if you make a castle out of sand it isn't going to last very long. Who knew?

Well we didn't clue onto this fact for a long time. 

Several times during the summer we came close to just throwing in the towel and moving on without DD. But each time we managed to pick up the pieces and try again.

However the continuous failure was taking it's toll. Each time the waves crashed angrily into our sandcastle and brought our hard work crashing down it was a little bit harder to get back up and try again.

Several weeks ago marks the other extra stressful time in my work: the start of school!

which happened to fall on the same weeks as my birthday this year.

My birthday isn't really a happy thing. In fact I can count on one hand those that I actually enjoyed. Yes, that's right. Just one. Even after meeting Tm and spending them with him they still seem to carry bad luck and negativity.  They have been incredibly better just having his support, but I am to the point that I just want to sleep through that day and not get out of bed until it's over.

Well this year it was extra bad and by the time I got home from work I was in tears. We had wonderful plans and Tm had all my presents set out and ready to take me out for the evening. But that all fell through and.. well I don't really want to dwell on it. Let's just say it was really bad and frustrating that this day that I was born seems to have it out for me. I think next year I am going to suggest we just celebrate my birthday on a different day.

Anyhow it put a major damper in things and probably contributed to tsunami that seemed to take out the whole entire beach full of where we had built our sandcastles. The waves crashed against the beach, knocking us down and taking all the buckets as it went back to sea.

We were left soaked, exhausted and on opposite ends of the beach. I couldn't find it in me to try again but I didn't know where to go from there. I don't think he knew where to go from there either. And at the time I was assuming the worst from him. Part of me thought that it would be the end of even 'us.'

As we lay on the beach trying to figure out where to go from there the waves continued to crash angrily down on us every once in a while.

I couldn't stop crying it seemed and withdrawn inside myself. I withdrew to the bedroom and just felt so lost, hurt and confused.


Tm came in a couple times but the angry waves crashed each time and we didn't get anywhere so he finally just left me alone, turned on the tv and made himself some dinner.

I can't even begin to explain my feelings at this point when I realized he had finally given up. I didn't know how to put things right and had no ideas anymore. Part of me just wanted him to come in and fix things.

What did that mean for us? Was there even going to be an us anymore? Where could we go from there?

Well dinner finished cooking and he came in the bedroom to tell me it was ready and should come eat.

My stomach was so knotted up there was no way I was going to put anything in it. Though part of me was starving and just wanted to go out there and have everything be right. But it wasn't and I couldn't.

After a few minutes Tm comes in and plops himself down on the ground and starts talking. Right away I can sense a difference. He decided that we were going to build the castle again but we weren't building it out of sand and it wasn't going to be located on any beaches. We were going to build our castle far away from any beaches and it would be built out of sturdier materials like wood and stone.

He told me that he didn't want to be with anyone but me and he wasn't going anywhere. We would and will have rough patches but he was going to be sticking around. He continued on that he was the Hoh and how things were going to be from here on out.

He talked for several hours, with my occasional comments or questions.

I have to admit I felt complete relief and so much love for him at this point. I felt this incredible respect for him that I hadn't felt before. That isn't to say I didn't respect him before, but it was elevated to such a level.

I feel so much more trust, respect and love at this point. Though I will admit, as he has made promises about DD in the past and then they fell apart, that I was slightly unsure. But mostly I did feel that it was different this time.

I have had some trouble in the past of being controlling in certain things. I hate it but once it gets out it seems to take over and I can't seem to contain it.

Well this new Hoh hat scared it completely away. I have had a couple moments where it peeked our but Tm has been ready each time and sends it running for the hills each time.

I know we will still have some rocky times, in fact we have had one since then, but I believe our castle will hold up against any storm.